How to Get a Response to That First Email

Writing QuillIf there’s one thing every Dating Ninja knows it’s that first impressions are everything in the world of online dating. That first email you send to someone on an online dating site can make or break your chances of getting a response. But with a little thought and little effort you can increase your chances of getting a response.

These are the DO’s and DON’T’s for that first email:

  • DO personalize the email and mention something from the person’s profile and tie it back to you. For example, I notice you like Green Day. Did you see them when they were in town last year? It was a fantastic show.
  • DON’T start with, “Hi, how are you?” It’s an empty question with a one-word answer – “fine.”
  • DO keep it short. Three to five sentences is about all you need in a first email.
  • DON’T send the same email to every person you write to. It’s impersonal and lazy.
  • DO check for spelling errors before you click Send.
  • DON’T ask a question that is already answered in the person’s profile. It is a big red flag that you never actually read the person’s profile.

The Formula
If you’re not the best with words and you don’t know where to start, use this formula:

  • First sentence is about the person you’re writing to.
  • Second sentence is about you.
  • Third sentence is a question that gives the person a reason to respond.

Example:

Dear Dating Ninja,

I love the photo of you in front of the Trevi Fountain. I was in Rome in June, and threw a couple of coins in the Trevi myself. What was your favorite spot in Rome?

HappyGuy1

While the above email comments on a photo in the profile, an email that comments on something that you read in the person’s profile can increase your chances even more.
Example:

Dear Dating Ninja,

I see you have a passport story…me too. I learned that you should always know the expiration date of your passport! What’s your story?

HappyGuy1

The bottom line is be authentic and engaging. Good luck!

Online Dating is Like Test Driving Volvos

A very good friend of mine in the UK called me last week to tell me he had finally found the lid for his pot, or as they say in Cockney Rhyming slang his perfect China Plate (mate).

We have both been single on and off for the past 10 years, and have had many Skype sessions discussing the various reasons why. But it wasn’t until this past week that we came up with the perfect analogy for our unsuccessful dating histories.

Test driving Volvos when you want to buy a Ferrari.

That one phrase pretty much sums up both of our online dating experiences. Online dating sites are chock full of Volvos. There is nothing wrong with a Volvo. It’s a sturdy, stable, reliable car, but there’s really nothing extraordinary about it. And it’s just not sexy.

There are plenty of people who want to drive a Volvo, and plenty of people who want to drive a Ferrari. Me, I’m more of a Tesla girl. The Tesla is a one-of-kind car, a unique driving experience, and very adventurous. Here are some real comments from the Tesla website:

“It’s one of the most fun vehicles I’ve ever driven.”

“There has simply never been another car like this one.”

“…my eyes are wide and my jaw has dropped.”

That is exactly what I’m looking for in my China Plate. Someone who makes my heart pound and my jaw drop.

I have been lucky enough to test drive a few Tesla’s in my life, and I’m still hoping to find the perfect model. But for now it seems like I’m looking for a Tesla in a city full of Volvos.

***********************************

What’s your perfect model?

Dear Dating Ninja – Why no profile picture?

Dear Dating Ninja,

I just got an email from a guy on Match.com who seems really interesting but has no profile picture. Why would someone post an online profile with no photo? Do I hit Delete or answer the email?

Please advise.

Kate, Age 37

 

Dear Kate,

It is my experience that in the majority of the cases where someone doesn’t post a profile picture it is because they are either married or in a relationship. However, there are actually some very good reasons why some people can’t post photos in their profiles. Some people in high profile jobs or in industries where posting their photo may be a danger to them just can’t take the chance.

Don’t be shy. Just ask. You can start with, hey I notice you don’t have a photo posted. Are you a) Married, b) A public figure, or c) A Member of the WItness Protection Program?

He could be a judge, a school principal, or a prison guard. Or he could be married, in which case you hit the big DELETE and BLOCK button immediately.

♥Dating Ninja

Dear Dating Ninja – The Wedding Ring

I get phone calls and emails all the time from people who run into situations in the online dating arena and need some advice. I’ve decided to start publishing those here so you can all reap the benefit of the answers.

 

 

Dear Dating Ninja,

I’ve been exchanging emails with a woman online who has no profile picture, but offered to send a photo via regular email. When I opened the photo I noticed she was wearing a wedding ring. What do I say in this situation?

Sean, Age 47

 

 

 

Dear Sean,

The wedding ring in the picture raises two red flags. One, she may still be married, and she’s online seeing if there are better fish in the sea. Or it’s an old picture. Either one is unacceptable.

Write back to her and say, I noticed you’re wearing a wedding ring in your photo. You said you’ve been divorced for quite some time. Do you have a more recent photo you could share?

You’ll soon find out what her real story is.

♥ The Dating Ninja